Prank wars part 2

18 Nov

On hallows eve, a friend of mine joined me in partying on what can only be known as “The Sluttiest Night of the Year”. Obviously we were dressed to arouse any man in our line of vision. My friend’s sexy nurse costume caught the particular attention of a strapping young Australian man who was SO smitten by her sexual prowess that he went as far as to ask her on a date. My friend was clearly freaked out and gave him a fake name which is usually a successful way to avoid attracking freaks commonly practiced by members of the female bar hopping population.

Unless…………….it comes back to bite you in the ass.

I decided to teach my friend a lesson on the topic of lying. So … I pranked her by making a fake email itsyourbashert@gmail.com. For those of you who don’t know, a “Bashert” is synonymous with soul mate.  Yes, I am an evil genius.

From: Your Bashert <itsyourbashert@gmail.com>
Date: Wed, Nov 3, 2010 at 7:40 AM
Subject: It’s Me!

Dear Rachel

If that even IS your real name. Hi, It is I the Australian man from Saturday night and I am emailing to inform you that YOU are indeed a little liar. Or as we say down unda, a little dingo. I went on the facebook after gazing upon you in your attractive costume in order to take you out on the date I promised you. Imagine my surprise when I discovered that there was no Rachel Blah-Blah listed. I nearly fainted and without my dear nurse to revive and take care of me I probably would have died so I guess its a good thing I didn’t. But you can never be too sure when it comes to the heart of a 30 year old man these days especially considering that my diet consists entirely of sushi and french fries with melted cheese on top.

Despite your blatant rejection of me, I shall not be deterred. Although Rachel did not yield results on facebook, I looked through the guest list for the party and clicked on every profile until I found one that looked like the one and only woman who could be mine in sickness and in health till death do we part. Since you have been lax about protecting your profile information I am now fully aware of all of your likes and interests and will incorporate them into my personality so that we will have more to discuss. Not that I really intend on doing much talking when I take you out……… You see, I have a rather terrible stutter that is extremely embarrassing (what did you THINK I was going to say? naughty naughty nurse). I heard tell that you are actually learning to be a speech therapist. This would greatly benefit me when we get married because I can’t afford to pay you for your expertise and I figure it we get married I can get it for free from my dear little dingo. You must help me with the placement of the tongue and so forth … my my that does sound quite naughty as I intended. Once we wed, I wont waste any time putting a baby in your belly as I am the only male in my family and must provide an heir. If our first child is not a boy, I am allowed to divorce you on the grounds that you have ruined my life OR take another wife. I am not really into polygamy so it would have to be the former option. I hope you can conceive a boy for me because I do rather like you.

Oh dear dingo, I wish I could find out where you lived so I could come surprise you (not in a creepy way) by belting out the lyrics to a song I made up. I have a terrible singing voice which you will come to discover once we are wed because I enjoy singing the top 40 list very loudly in the shower. I always skip over the michael jackson songs and they make me I’ll which is NOT how you want to feel when showering, perhaps when we are married you can join me in the shower and we can sing together.  I would sing these words to you that came from my very own heart.

Cause you’re all I want, You’re all I need
You’re everything,everything
You’re all I want your all I need
You’re everything, everything.
You’re all I want you’re all I need.
You’re everything, everything
You’re all I want you’re all I need, you’re everything, everything.

Aren’t I talented? Perhaps when we are married for a few years I will become famous and as per Australian custom I would have to divorce you and instead marry my many groupies. But lets not worry about that now. I have already made a reservation at this place in the city which I heard serves delectable corn. I do not have much money right now as I indicated above, so we are restricted to only ordering corn for dinner. Bearing this in mind, you may want to eat a little at home first. After dinner I plan to take you out for drinks because I can tell you like alcohol. I smelt it on your breath as we talked at the party saturday night. I love the smell of girly drinks on a woman’s breath. I hope that you have a low alcohol tolerence because I don’t really have a lot of money to spend on drinks and I would greatly enjoy getting you drunk so we can canoodle.

So to conclude, I will be calling you later tonight and we can talk about our future life down unda. We will be moving there after the wedding naturally as I have a pet kangaroo which I can’t bear to be apart from for more than 5 weeks at a time. Please find attached a picture of my beloved.

As we say in Australia,
Hoooorrooo little dingo,

With much love and anticipation for our impending marriage,

Your future Aussie counterpart

 She proceeded to FREAK out to me. She was so scared because SHE THOUGHT IT WAS REAL. No no…. she was going crazy thinking that the guy really clicked through facebook to find her and email her in order to call her out on her lies AND THEN PROPOSE.

Now I’m just saying that most of the stuff in that email was completely ridiculous (I mean I called her a dingo and attached a picture of my pet kangaroo for heaven sakes)and absurd but what you might NOT know is that it is also a TON of private jokes between her and me (her favorite song, food…). It was remarkable how she managed not to pick up on that.

Anyway… needless to say she eventually put 5 and 5 together and realized that I was the culprit and she vowed to get back at me for my epic pranking.

I’m still waiting on that………

2 Responses to “Prank wars part 2”

  1. Rachel's Bashert December 17, 2010 at 3:11 pm #

    Now this is a prank… well done

  2. lawschooldrunk May 19, 2011 at 5:54 pm #

    Not cool.

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