Poll results= BE REPULSIVE!

24 Nov

For those of you who answered the poll about what you would do if you were on a bad date you may have noticed that the winning response was to “be as repulsive as humanly possible.” BRAVO!

I just wanted to inform you that you are not alone in your feelings because……………….

I chose that response as well and it is one that I live by. Nothing gives me more satisfaction than subtly mocking idiots and boring people to their faces. Since most of the guys I have been out with succeed in boring me to the brink of insanity I decided that for all the entertainment I am providing, I might as well get some of my own by adopting this policy. The reason it is so effective is because only I know about it. It’s a nice private joke between me and myself- kind of like when your date has food in their teeth/booger in their nose and have NO idea.

Pulling the wool over your dates eyes is almost as fun as pulling a plastic bag over their head and putting you both out of misery.

Unfortunately, trying to get out of a date using this tactic sometimes backfires…..

For example, I was once on the most excruciating date in my existence and decided that my best option of getting him to take me back home was to gross him out by loudly announcing “Are you ready to leave soon? I really have to go to the bathroom” which instantly conjures up the image of a young child being potty trained.

He didn’t get the hint and simply said “Oh there’s a bathroom here why don’t you just go to this one”

This was at the time where I thought I had to be accommodating on a date so I did as he suggested and went to the bathroom and stood around there for a while texting people because I didn’t actually need to use the bathroom.

I come out and about 10 minutes later say “Are you ready to leave soon?” (seriously could it be any more apparent that I want to go home???- obviously picking up on subtleties was not his strong point).

He replied ” Oh why? Is it late for you?” (Nooooo IDIOT I just don’t like you)

I – deciding to be as REPULSIVE as I could manage – said “Yea well umm … there was no toilet paper in that bathroom”

SHOCKINGLY he still did not get the hint. I mean really, what kind of person tells another on a FIRST (blind) date about their bathroom needs (sometimes I disgust myself)? He was obviously unaffected by my gross behavior OR, thought it was normal which is even more worrisome.

The guy just went ahead and, unaware of his own talent of repulsive behavior, one upped me on my disgusting scale with this line “Here why don’t you take some napkins from the table” and proceeded to hand me a stack of little square napkins with which I was supposed to wipe my tush. LOVELY

IF he had been in on the “act as repulsively disgusting as imaginable” game, this would have been a VERY hilarious and interesting battle of wits between the two of us. Maybe I would casually use my nail to extract something from my tooth, then he would counter that by ever so slightly picking his nose with his index finger….Which one of us would claim the title for “Most offensive person” on our date???

I was looking for a worthy opponent but sadly, he was just another clueless dude who had no idea the evil genius he was dealing with. Thinking back on it now, I could have had so much fun entertaining myself at his expense, but the story of my date with him (which is epic and will be posted in the future) has been entertaining people for years.

To sum:
If you find your date is lacking in the looks/brain department, use this to your advantage! See how much you can get away with before they notice and I assure you, you might not have had a good time but you will always manage to have a good story.

2 Responses to “Poll results= BE REPULSIVE!”

  1. lawschooldrunk May 19, 2011 at 5:59 pm #

    Wow. You got outplayed and don't realize it. Your date was not clueless. He was playing you at your own game. You probably did something that made him say to himself, "I know she doesn't like me but I want to make her as miserable as I can. Let's see for how long I can drag out this date."

  2. Check Pleaseee May 19, 2011 at 7:31 pm #

    Actually he asked me out on a second date so I HIGHLY doubt thats what happened.

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