Cradle Robbery

26 Dec

Recently I was pleasantly surprised by a date with Destiny. No, in this case I am not referring to a tranny or stripper as the name Destiny might suggest. I am instead expressing my extreme satisfaction in regards to a date who possessed competence as well as tolerable character traits and adequate height fulfillment (not an easy feat).

Fear not dear readers, this is by no means the beginning of the end for my blog as you will soon come to realize…

It goes without say that in life things that are too good to be true usually are… And with this I begin the tale of an individual who I would like to call “The Sir” who’s chivalry, humility and highly respectful behavior far surpasses those of the Knights of King Arthur’s round table.

After much deliberation I decided to accept a date from The Sir, a friend of mine with whom I share a mutual obsession (that being, me).

It was something equatable to puppy love which was just what my ego needed. I was skeptical at first, but nonetheless decided that if the date went downhill at least I would have something for my blog which I have seemingly neglected for the past 12 days.

Why the skepticism you might ask?

Well, I will tell you, ladies and gentleman…………………………

He is a child.

Yes, he was young enough to the point where he still has some placenta left on his face. Young enough that I was slightly concerned about what the topic of our dinner conversation might be so I made sure to catch up on the most recent episode of Power Rangers just in case there were unbearable bouts of silence. However, much to my surprise my preparations were obsolete because this boy/placenta/man happened to take me out on what I would deem, a perfect date.

Now, I know you are probably asking yourself how I would even recognize such a thing, given the stories from my blog. Well, to that I would reply that of ALL the horror stories I have regaled you with, this child/placenta/guy was the complete opposite!

Reason #1
Man with a plan? Check!

There was none of that tedious “so, where do you want to go” crap that men of today seem to think is acceptable. No, he was armed with a game plan AND a reservation. All too often have I been asked what I wanted to do / where I wanted to eat when a guy picks me up for a date.

I’m sorry but I was under the impression that when a guy takes a girl out, it is HIS responsibility to plan the date. When he doesn’t, it is not only annoying (because in my case planning things is as enjoyable to me as having my fingernails pulled out by the root one at a time) and shows that you do not care enough to be bothered with planning ONE evening’s worth of activities with me. WHY would I be interested in dating a guy like that? I wouldn’t!

What I WOULD be interested in, is a take charge kind of guy who is assertive and knows what he is doing.  Essentially, a man with a plan.

Reason #2
Intelligent dinner conversation- Check!

Fortunately, I was not forced to lead the conversation which usually happens because I would rather be bored by my own stories than listen to brain cell murdering idle talk. When conversing, I enjoy being challenged. It is no secret that I am a good story teller and have lots of crazy tales to share, but sometimes it’s nice to discuss more thought provoking topics.

He held his own and refrained from any and all strange behavior which is always appreciated.

Reason #3
After dinner plans- Check!

At first I was hesitant because it was 11:30 and I just happened to glance at my phone which had a text from my mom saying:

“It’s 11:30 isn’t it past his bed time???”

Which instantly resulted in my bursting out in an uproarious fit of laughter. However, I didn’t witness any yawning or eye rubbing on his part so I figured he probably napped earlier that day.

Anyway…we went to a really cute little gelatto place that was conveniently playing lots of awesome Glee music- I am a die hard Gleek. They even had mojito flavored ices, I was tempted to try it but I didn’t want to be a bad influence. What if he had also wanted to try some? They might have carded him and he would have needed to use his fake ID or something. MORTIFYING!

My question is… Why was my date with the fetus so successful?

And of course I have an answer for you dear readers… It is as follows.

According to my logic, the younger man is not yet jaded by life and still possesses the good natured morals of a true mama’s boy. They are respectful, honest and eager to please- as any well behaved child should be. I’m sure the prospect of being out with an older woman was enough to intimidate him and ensure he does his best to impress. Ah youth…. You see, it’s when they start to get older, THAT is when the freakish behavior begins to set in and progress. It gets worse as they age there is no doubt about it.

The down side of this experience of dabbling in the sea of youth, aside from a hefty lawsuit, is that the younger set are not ready for the seriousness that comes with a relationship. They need to travel the world, live a little and eventually become jaded with life just like the rest of them…. It truly is a vicious cycle. My advice is to snag them while their young, get them to be obsessed with you and maybe you can break that cycle… who knows

To Sum:
Go young or go home!!!!
Just make sure he’s not TOO young (you don’t want to be looking at jail time)

5 Responses to “Cradle Robbery”

  1. anonymous December 26, 2010 at 10:18 pm #

    I have dated a younger guy in the past and although it is true that they try to impress you and become obsessed with you 🙂 you have to be lucky enough to break the cycle u mentioned. That way they don't fall into a serious relationship when they are not ready, get scared and want to break up to "live it up". Unfortunately that's happened to me and it was not pretty

  2. Check Pleaseee December 26, 2010 at 10:53 pm #

    That is a truly regrettable story indeed and my heart goes out to you. I agree that it is never advisable to "push" a younger man into a situation they are not ready for. But I'm certain that just like with any guy, his inner caveman will come blazing forth if he truly is the one for you. Young or old he will fight for you if it's meant to be!

  3. NAM December 28, 2010 at 3:08 am #

    This "The Sir" character sounds like a real winner. if he's older than 18 and still gets money from his mother, give that boy a few more dates. or at least milk it for the free food.


  1. I got served! « Um…check, please!!!! - August 12, 2011

    […] you know, I have recently begun to dip my toes in the pool of youth. Despite the many benefits that come with cradle robbing, I have always said that the one downside of going younger, aside from being accused of pedophilia, […]

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    […] all began with my so called “brief stint” as a cradle robber and I am certain that it won’t end there. Alas, what I believed to be an exception to my […]

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