pRUDE much?

21 Jan

There is nothing that disgusts me more than a guy who thinks he is ALL that and a bag of chips when in reality he is the equivalent to the end slices on a loaf of bread that no one ever wants. Arrogance is such a turn off and guys like that need to wake up and realize they are NOT gods gift to the world, especially because that position has already been filled by yours truly.

There are many ways to identify a guy with such a personality. One of the most obvious of ways is by asking a woman about her past physical encounters in a sad and lame attempt to show her how “experienced” he is.

I have encountered this technique many times in my years and have become an expert in the art of dealing with such characters. The scenario usually plays out like so:

ALWAYS over text message or instant message because a guy would never say such things to my face. The conversation would have proceeded as normal but due to a flirty remark or rebuttal (mine usually the latter), a strange change in topic takes place. This is typically accompanied by, in my opinon the most juvenile and lame question of all.

“So… are you prude?”

First of all, grammatically speaking, prude is not an adjective, it is a noun. So the proper way to ask would be “are you A prude.”

Second of all, are we in high school? And with the exception of The Sir and his preschool friends who I overheard discussing who is a prude or not (which is understandable since they are still under the legal age of consent)….

Who asks that?!?! It is just rude and inappropriate and makes everyone uncomfortable if they have never dealt with this situation before. Why ask it at all? Why don’t you just wait and find out for yourself?

Third of all , when a guy asks you this question it is his way of discerning what he can get from you (physically, if that wasn’t blatantly obvious). Some girls don’t realize it and just think the guy is curious…. Well, yes he is…but for his own personal agenda.

Anyway there are two ways to go about this :

Either take the puritanical path of the prude OR the seductive swagger of the skank.

It always confuses me when a guy asks this question because I am always wondering at the answer he hopes I will deliver. This brings up the age old question of….

What do guys like more, a girl who is really prudish or slutty? It’s a tough call and each guy is different but in my experience they usually want a happy medium or blending of the two. They want the girl next door innocence with the wild side. Essentially, the best of both worlds. To be a prude in the sense that you aren’t going from guy to guy, but skanky in the sense that you will do what they want…but ONLY with him. Well isn’t that convenient?

Depending on your response, he will assess what to make of your character. This is the part where I really enjoy occasionally messing with their heads. Starting off by saying “I don’t kiss and tell” or “I’m not a prude, I hold hands and hug. It’s really scandalous” or something along those lines, and see how they react. Usually, this fuels the arrogant fire within him and causes him to disclose an abundant amount of information about his “experience” which I really didn’t need or want to know. It doesn’t impress me and it just makes the guy sound like a man-whore.

Girls, if there is one thing I have learned about men it is the following:
Men will treat you the way you let them treat you. If you allow him to talk to you in a derogatory way, objectify you and/or your body (even in a joking manner) without saying anything in protest…then that is what he will do. There is no such thing as deserving respect, you get what you demand. So if you act like a skank, that is how he will treat you.


HINT: Being slutty will NOT get you any respect

Men are always trying to see how much they can get away with and if you give them a finger they will take the whole hand (unless it’s your middle finger in which case hopefully they get the hint, or if it’s your ring finger in which case congrats you’re engaged!!!And I’ll be needing to know how you accomplished that).

The reason I bring up this topic is because I have recently encountered such a fellow who thought it was normal behavior to literally INTERVIEW me about my physical past.

Him: So do you smoke?
Me: No… its really bad for you
Him: Well if you don’t smoke this isn’t going to work between us
Me: Thank gd (as if there wasn’t already a thousand other reasons why it wouldn’t work)
Him: Do you (insert really disgusting inappropriate act here)?
Me: NO! What kind of question is that???? You are extremely disturbed and clearly lack any decency or respect for women. Bye now.

I promptly vomited in my mouth and carried on living my life with the knowledge that this guy will most certainly NOT be holding my hand anytime in this millennium.

To sum:

Girl:Be aware that the reason they ask is because they want to know what you can do for their “little (hopefully for their sake, not so little) friend.”
Men and women should adopt the “don’t ask, don’t tell” policy when it comes to topics such as these. There is absolutely nothing good that can come from that kind of conversation. It makes the women feel self conscious and objectified and makes the men seem like sex crazed animals. I think that every new relationship should begin with a clean slate. The past is the past and should remain that way. People are ego driven and therefore, if both parties think they are each others “first”, everybody wins! So, girls when it comes down to it, play the Prude Plus Card- it shows you’re pure but open to corruption 😉

One Response to “pRUDE much?”


  1. Idiots 2.0 | Um...check, please!!!! - August 5, 2013

    […] brothers. Who is the brother? Oh just a guy who I met in Jamaica circa 3 years ago who also had a weirdo obsessh with texting…the inappropriate and non reciprocated […]

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