You don’t even know me!!!!

17 May

If I had to name one thing that I really cannot stand, it’s when people make generalizations/stereotypes about others with no actual evidence to back that claim up. Needless to say, when those generalizations/stereotypes/assumptions are about ME… you are toast.

I pride myself on the fact that I am an individual with my own goals, my own dreams, my own interests and my own unique sense of humor.  So you can understand why I don’t appreciate having claims made about me which lump me into a category with all the other women of the world…

I am awesome, I am in my own category of awesomeness.

Sadly, this guy had no idea that I was NOT the same as every other girl he dated (shocker of shocks).

See, this is the problem with dating older guys. They have been out with so many women that they start to think that we are all the same and all like the same things and all behave the same way and all have similar life goals (aka get married and make babies).

NOT all women are like this

In contrast, younger men have not had as much exposure to the female race and therefore are fascinated to learn about what makes you unique.- Yet another reason to “go young or go home” as if you really needed another.

Anyway, due to the fact that he was tall, attractive and established, there had to be a THOUSAND things wrong with him. He really had no other redeeming qualities.

He picked me up and proceeded to drive around aimlessly. After about 10 minutes he turns to me and goes “By the way, don’t try to figure out where I am taking you because I don’t really have a plan yet” – WINNER!

Seriously… WHAT is with the men sans plans? I can say this until I am blue in the face but the message just does not penetrate their thick skulls. If you ask a girl out… YOU plan the date, thats the whole point of dating. Have a plan, its really not that difficult. I held back the scream that was about to burst free from my lungs.

Finally we park the car and he brings me to a wine bar. As we are being seated he says “Don’t tell your mother that I took you here based on the fact that it was the first place that I found a parking spot”

I looked at him like he was from Mars. First of all, WHO SAYS THAT? I didn’t know that he was just going to take me to the fist place he got a parking space in front of. That just made him sound like SUCH a jerk. Second of all, I am still not over the non- plannage. WHY do guys ask girls out on dates and then FAIL to plan them? It really is beyond my scope of comprehension.

Time to bring him down from his high horse.

Me: So… this is awkward but I only drink Kosher wine
Him: (cue his face turning many many shades of red) ohhh, I probably should have asked you that before.
Me: yea…
Him: Well this is a bar you can order anything you want, I’m sure they have all types of drinks.
Me: True, but now I have to get creative with my order because there is no cocktail menu
Him: I’ll order for you, I know what you like
Me: (WTF!!!! You do not know me) ummmmmmmm

Waitress: Are you ready to order?
Him: Yes she’ll have a malibu bay breeze (granted that is one of my favorite drinks but I didn’t like that he just took it upon himself to order for me without my consent. This isn’t the 1800s , I have a voice!)
Waitress: Sorry we only serve wine here (PS the place was called “Wine and Roses”- genius alert)
Me: HAHAHA so much for your epic parking job.
Waitress: Can I get you anything else?
Him: No, actually this ones addicted to vodka so we’re going to go someplace else
Me: (dumbfounded look on my face)

Did that just happen? This guy knows me for about 15 minutes and he’s already starting with the put-downs? I wanted to punch him in the baby maker. Thats a really rude and embarrassing thing to say to someone you just met. For someone his age, he still has yet to learn how to speak to woman. It was becoming more clear to me why this guy was still single.

Addicted to vodka indeed… NO ONE makes me look like a drunkard and gets away with it!!!! As punishment, I later ordered the most expensive entree on the menu- karma can be brutal sometimes.

As we wait for a table in the restaurant he asks me about my bestie who just got married.
Him: So are you depressed now that your best friend is married?
Me: (ummmm NO! What kind of question is that) No
Him: Oh come on. I’m sure you went into a depression. You guys were always together and you looked alike and always wore flats.
Me: (getting freaked out that he noticed what kind of shoes we wore) Yea, flats are the way to go because we are too tall for the boys in the community

I was looking at the menu when the waitress approached us for our drink order. For the second time, he orders a drink for me from the menu and then refused to let me see what it was or what was in it (date rape?) Seriously, I know I always say that I hate making decisions but that doesn’t mean I don’t want to have a say in them!

Over dinner we started talking about summer vacations and I mentioned how I don’t like that it becomes such a huge scene and it’s all the same people. Then he drops this on me:

Him: You know what your problem is?
Me: Ummm I wasn’t aware that I had one (excuse you!!!!!)
Him: You’re not going to like this but … you’re single
Me: My problem is that I am single?
Him: Yea, and you have it especially hard because you are older and have higher standards for yourself because you are in graduate school. You are looking for this perfect guy and he doesn’t exist. It really stinks for the girls because there really are no good guys left out there.
Me: WOW! What a revelation!!!!!! (As if my entire blog isn’t based on that premise)

So let me get this straight. The problem here is the fact that I am single? And not the fact that there are no good guys left in the community? What the bleep does that mean? Is he suggesting that I lower my already significantly reduced standards in order to accommodate for the lack of normal/stable men? Or settle?

Nu-uh… I don’t think so…

I was still fuming from his comment as the food arrived. Suddenly he cut up some of his food into pieces and then placed the pieces on my plate as if he were feeding a child. “Try this, it’s your favorite”

OK……….

Because its COMPLETELY normal to do something like that on a first date. Aside from the fact that he ONCE again was telling me what I like when he doesn’t even know me, he was also treating me like a baby which REALLY pissed me off. Wait, seriously though… he cut up food into small pieces for me… I’m still not over it. I’m kind of surprised that he didn’t try to actually feed the food to me and make an airplane noise as it neared my mouth.

Unless you are feeding each other during your wedding cake ceremony…this is just awkward

At this point I was itching to get out of here but realized that even if I had the guts to get up and leave, he still had all of my stuff in the trunk of his car.

Mercifully, the check arrived and we left the restaurant. On the walk back to the car he presents me with a dilemma that he said has been bothering him for a while.

The dilemma was that he needed a nicer gym bag because when he brought his gym clothes in a knapsack to work, it didn’t look professional enough. However, he tried to look online for gym bags and they were all $350.

WOW… What a serious problem he has on his hands. Which gym bag should he get!? Its of critical importance….

Thats when I knew that either :

A) We had finally run out of topics to discuss on the date
B) He was an actual materialistic idiot who spends brain cells contemplating how his gym bag comes off to others
C) I need to stop being set up with freaks

ACTUALLY who cares? Just put your stuff in a plastic bag. It really isn’t that big of a deal.

On the ride home he starts telling me about how he has this amazing play list of songs that he is obsessed with. When I asked him what songs were on it this was his reply.

Him: Its every song that you like
Me: Tell me one
Him: No need- you love every song thats on this list
Me: But you don’t even know what kind of music I like (SERIOUSLY)
Him: Yea I do, you like to go out and dance so you like every song on here
Me: (where did he pull that out of???) hahaha
Him: You should go to snow patrol concert… they are very your type
Me: Actually I don’t like snow patrol so no

SERIOUSLY STOP TELLING ME WHAT I LIKE!!!

To sum:

Here’s a thought… How about get to know a person before making assumptions about what they like? If you know so much about me then why even go on a date with me! The point of dating is to learn about your date, not to tell them what they like. Everyone is an individual with their own likes and dislikes. For example: I like guys who have a plan for our date because it shows that they are organized and are more likely to have a life plan in mind. I dislike guys who treat me like a child and are psychotic control freaks with baggage issues (pun intended).

Girls, if you ever find yourself on a date with a guy like this…. you know what to do:

Check pleaseee!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

33 Responses to “You don’t even know me!!!!”

  1. Eyekanspel May 18, 2011 at 1:27 am #

    You like this comment.

  2. Anonymous May 18, 2011 at 1:35 am #

    I know that you are a very creative person, and I also know what your hobby is. It's making up stories like this because there's no such thing as a guy like this. There can't be. Trust me, I know. This being the case, I also know that you would like to go out with me for some grain alcohol. See, I know you like the back of my hand.

    • umcheckplease May 18, 2011 at 1:35 am #

      Although I do pride myself on my writing I also pride myself on my honesty. I might be creative but there is no way I would be able to make up such a ridiculous person. I assure you, this happened. I guess you don’t know me as well as you think.

      • Anonymous May 18, 2011 at 1:36 am #

        I tend to be gullible, so I’ll take your word for it

  3. Eyekanspel May 18, 2011 at 1:45 am #

    Where do you find people like that, and how did you not manage to find out what a jackass he is before you agreed to the date?P.S.Are you going on a second date?;)

    • umcheckplease May 18, 2011 at 1:48 am #

      This was the result of a blind date gone horribly horribly wrong. Obviously the woman who set us up failed to mention his faults and instead spoke about all of his winning character traits which he failed to possess. Definitely not worth a second date….. unless I’m desperate for blog material :p

  4. Eyekanspel May 18, 2011 at 1:55 am #

    Maybe next time inquire of someone else in addition to the person who made the suggestion. But I've never been on a date, so feel free to ignore anything I say.

    • umcheckplease January 5, 2012 at 12:21 am #

      It’s hard to question or dismiss a blind date when the woman setting you up insists that you go out with them. “It’s just one date, what can it hurt”- famous last words.

  5. Eyekanspel May 18, 2011 at 2:14 am #

    I know how much this date bothered you. Therefore, I hereby forbid you from dating anyone unless I have investigated him. I also know how much you love Green Day and Metallica.

    • umcheckplease January 5, 2012 at 12:21 am #

      Honestly this date is mild compared to the ones on my blog. I’m going to guess that forbidding me AND simultaneously telling me what I like, indicate that you are not at all like the guy I just went out with. Hahaha

  6. Eyekanspel May 18, 2011 at 2:21 am #

    Maybe I am the guy you went out with. Or maybe I am just sarcastic and trying to sound like him for kicks. You decide 😀

    • umcheckplease January 5, 2012 at 12:22 am #

      I’m going to go with the latter. If you really were the guy who I went out with, I don’t think you would be so OK with the fact that I just ripped on you. My logic never fails

  7. Eyekanspel May 18, 2011 at 2:26 am #

    You are indeed a bright one. Also, I said in an earlier comment that I've never been on a date, which should disqualify me (unless I really was your date, but found no redeeming qualities in any of the girls that I had ever dated, and so considered it as if I had never been on a date).

    • umcheckplease January 5, 2012 at 12:22 am #

      Well played… Although if dating people with no redeeming qualities is considered never having been on a date then I guess we are in the same boat.

  8. Eyekanspel May 18, 2011 at 2:36 am #

    That is true, but only someone like the guy in this date would look at dating that way. Since I'm not a jerk, I am alone in that boat (although it sounds like we are in the same boat as far as meeting someone worth meeting).

  9. Anonymous May 18, 2011 at 2:42 am #

    After reading the last few of your posts, I have to agree with EKS. Where do you find these people?

  10. charles May 18, 2011 at 2:43 am #

    WOAH! Ms. Checkpleaseee!Never been on a date with a guy with redeeming qualities? Sucks for the guy that's been on a date with you AND happens to read your blog… Oh well guess you won't be seeing much of him anymore

  11. Anonymous May 18, 2011 at 3:05 am #

    Got it. But you do prefer grain alcohol over vodka. Right?

  12. Eyekanspel May 18, 2011 at 3:09 am #

    She does.

  13. Eyekanspel May 18, 2011 at 3:09 am #

    Damnit, you posted before me.

  14. Ish Yehudi May 18, 2011 at 3:10 am #

    Setting aside the clear lack of tact this guy employed, I did notice he tried to (a) impress you, (b) show some insecurity and (c) show some sensitivity in how you may be feeling. Still, he showed himself in all the wrong places and his approach came off as offensive, which is completely understandable. How off-putting!However, should I ever display a lack of tact myself (it has been known to happen occasionally, as I am human and a male), I'd appreciate a woman being assertive rather than punitive. Letting me know what she does or doesn't appreciate goes a long way, as opposed to finding myself with a $120 check. Ask me how I know. An ounce of assertiveness is worth more than a thousand pounds of punishment. How a woman reacts to my foibles is of great importance to me, and seriously impacts whether or not she earns my good will, and my strength. I expect that's a two way street.

  15. charles May 18, 2011 at 3:20 am #

    Yes, that usually how it works. The man says something interesting and the woman inquires. However, I would say its quite different in this case as he clearly possessed a repulsive attitude towards Ms. Checkpleaseee as you pointed out. There's a time and place for all comments but the way this went, it didn't seem like this the right time and place, especially considering he didn't know WHAT place he was going to until he found parking!

  16. Primum Non Nocere May 18, 2011 at 5:54 pm #

    Just came across your blog. Very entertaining writing. Looking forward to reading more in the future!

  17. umcheckplease May 18, 2011 at 6:53 pm #

    Thanks for the positive feedback. Im happy to know that my horror stories serve a purpose 🙂

  18. C May 20, 2011 at 12:36 am #

    Firstly, I just found this blog and so far, I love it though I hope you don't keep getting material like this. :PSecondly, I'd have tossed that drink on him. Then ordered a second one. 🙂

  19. Anonymous May 20, 2011 at 5:30 am #

    It looks like business is picking up. Are you able to put up a hit counter?

  20. umcheckplease May 20, 2011 at 3:54 am #

    Thanks so much!!!! And I always wanted to throw a drink in someone's face… I guess that would have been an opportune time to do it.. darn. Although, I am sure that with my track record I will have many more opportunities.

  21. Shades of Grey June 21, 2011 at 8:57 pm #

    I'm a fan of the punching him in the baby-maker option. Why didn't you just walk out on him (was this in the NYC)? You have a great writing style, I must say.

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. The Pigeons « Um…check, please!!!! - August 12, 2011

    […] he learned his lesson from the voicemail fiasco). As you may recall, this guy had serious baggage concerns and was dead set on finding the perfect gym bag under […]

  2. Qualifications « Um…check, please!!!! - September 20, 2011

    […] Mr. Know it all…check (please!!!!!!!) […]

  3. Auditioning « Um…check, please!!!! - January 5, 2012

    […] was unable to hide my surprise and disdain when I received a text from one Mr. Know-it-all who, ironically, knew nothing about […]

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: