Everybody move your body

2 Sep

Except me of course…

Have you ever been strolling through the park and seen adorable couples jogging side by side with HUGE smiles plastered on their faces? Laughing together as the sweat happily pours out of their pores.

OH JOY!!!!!!!

These people.

They make me look bad.

Why, you might ask?

Well, anyone who is anyone who knows me, knows that I’m not what most people would call athletic. I’m not overweight or anything, and people are usually very surprised to discover that I don’t play basketball or volleyball. I distinctly recall my mother putting me in a basketball league when I was about 8 or 9. She said I spent the whole time fixing my hair. What can I say? I’m a girly girl. My dear mother also claimed that when I wasn’t fixing my hair, I was running away from the ball. To this, I laugh a hearty, full bodied laugh. “Hahahahaha”

Me? Run? That must be some kind of joke…

You see, ladies and gentleman…. The sad truth is, I can’t run. No, seriously, I just can’t. It doesn’t work for me. Watching me run has been compared to: a penguin attempting to run across slippery ice, waddling, other bird-like euphemisms, and Pheobe from Friends.



So, whenever I am subjected to people who CAN run, I am instantly jealous of them, and not for the reasons you are probably assuming.

No, I’m not jealous because their bodies are releasing pleasure inducing endorphins or that their are increasing their cardio output which leads to longevity and a healthier lifestyle. Nope, my jealousy stems from a more sinister place…

If for some reason, I needed to run away from say, a rapist/murderer/approaching tidal wave/outbreak of the plague/ terror attack/ex-boyfriend/mutated apes on a bridge (No really, I think about these things!!!)… It would be a lost cause, unless of course the rapist/murderer’s plans are foiled due to an uproarious laughing fit from watching me try to flee.

To sum:

Today is the day people! I will move my body !!!! From this bed, to the kitchen for my morning cup of coffee.

Hey, gotta start somewhere 🙂

2 Responses to “Everybody move your body”

  1. yedid nefesh September 2, 2011 at 4:07 pm #

    hahaha, you’re talking to a running addict 🙂 I never thought about people not being able to run at all… Its kin dof something you train for


  1. The rules of… « Um…check, please!!!! - November 2, 2011

    […] literally run speed walk to the train with my rain soaked hair and made it onto the train right as the doors […]

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