13 Nov

Sometimes it’s the things people say that shock and appall me beyond words. Call it what you will: word vomit, no filter, verbal diarrhea… The bottom line is, many people fail to think before they speak and the result is usually a comment that is deserving of a swift slap across the face… a dead line if you will.

To whom am I referring?

Our dear friend, The Octopus. Ahh yes… you would think he would have given up by now. Alas, he will not rest until he has caught his prey. Despite rejecting him at least 2 times, he insisted on coming back for more.

The setting was at a bar for a friend’s bachelorette party. Ideal hunting grounds for an octopus and his roaming tentacles. He’s a smart predator, leering at inebriated single girls on a night where they are sure to be feeling insecure about themselves. His plan was set into motion the moment he caught my eye across the bar and walked over to say hello.

I was sitting at a nearby table and he plopped down right next to me and immediately placed his hand on my leg.

Oh….HELLO there indeed!

I instinctively crossed my legs and removed his hand. That’s just a bit too forward for me!

True to his slimey nature, The Octopus then dropped this gem:

Octopus: So… I just thought you should know that we are very overdue for hooking up.

If you will, imagine the deadpan stare on my face while I attempted to process the obnoxiousness that just sprang forth from his face hole. Is that a normal thing to say to someone? Has that line ever worked for him in the past? WHAT THE *!#@! Who speaks like that?

Me: Oh… I didn’t realize there was a timeframe for such things… (dripping with sarcasm)

Octopus: Well there is, and you’re cutting it very close- I have a one year deadline. I think its best we remedy that.

Me: Ummm…so… if it wasn’t already obvious, I’m REALLY not like that. (Not sure if that was obvious from the other times I rejected you but I will never hook up with you dude- SERIOUSLY!)

Octopus: I’m really disappointed….

Me: I’m sure you’ll get over it.

Or ever !

To sum:

It really disturbs me how some guys have no idea how to speak to a woman. I’m not being unreasonable or asking for poems and sonnets but a little respect won’t kill you. Despite the fact that technology has robbed the world of romance, at least when you’re face to face with someone they should be able to woo you with words to some extent. The Octopus has failed miserably yet again. Strike 3, he’s out.

9 Responses to “Deadlines…”

  1. jules November 14, 2011 at 7:26 am #

    urgh, that guy is such a creep – you’re better off without him!
    Great post!

    Jules /

    • umcheckplease November 16, 2011 at 12:42 am #

      If only he would realize that! or take a hint

  2. thoughtsappear November 14, 2011 at 7:39 am #


    • yedid Nefesh November 14, 2011 at 11:37 pm #

      i love how u talk abt him but ya, gross kick him out now 🙂

      • umcheckplease November 16, 2011 at 12:42 am #

        He is gone…until the next time I run into him haha

  3. BROOKEandMCKENZIE November 15, 2011 at 12:44 am #

    I died reading this, hilarious with the Octopus terminology.

    Love it and sorry you had to endure that, he sounds like one of those sleaze bags that would use dirty pick-up lines of course like we mentioned in our recent post.


    Brooke and Mckenzie

    • umcheckplease November 16, 2011 at 12:43 am #

      can’t wait to read!
      WHYYY do guys think that cheap creepy lines work again?

  4. Murphy's Law November 15, 2011 at 10:58 pm #

    Sadly, that line has worked for him in the past and that’s why he keeps using it. I shudder to think of the women who actually sit by their phones hoping this guy (and hundreds like him) will call.

    • umcheckplease November 16, 2011 at 12:44 am #

      Seriously? If he ever called me I think I would vomit

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