The Fame Whore

11 Dec

Very recently one of my guy friends/readers surprised me by asking me out on a date. Caught off guard, I accepted on the grounds that I had nothing better to do that night so why not?

He respectfully called 3 days in advance which I greatly appreciated.

Don’t you hate it when a guy asks for a date without at least 2 days notice?

I need to be booked in advance people!

I have a life ! Don’t expect that I’m just sitting home with nothing to do but blog about men all day. (Well…not ALL day.)

Anyway the date was set for Saturday night. Normally I am 100% anti going on dates on a Saturday night. In my opinion, Saturday nights are reserved for partying with your girls and /or (if you are fortunate enough) going out with your boyfriend.

Nonetheless I accepted because…..

Simply put, I was curious.

I wondered what he was up to. A guy who I’m friends with and who reads my blog asks me out ??

What is he playing at?

Does he hate himself?

He knows how I rip on those poor unfortunate subjects of my blog …

What, prey tell, is going on here??

The short and short of it was that he’s a fame whore who claims that he did it in order to get a very coveted spot on my blog (I have my doubts about that being the sole reason…)

But I won’t deprive my readers (and the Fame Whore himself) of the long version …

He arrived on time and even came to my door to get me. Nowadays unfortunately a lot of men have adopted the whole “honk when they’re outside” method which I find to be rather lazy of them – I should know because I’ve practically got my masters in laziness.

Later my mother sent me a text saying “he’s cute”. What can I say? Like mother like daughter, I come from a long line of cougars and The Fame Whore was no exception. Despite the fact that he wasn’t that much younger than me, it’s still enough to uphold the values and traditions of my kind.

Anyway, he opened my car door for me and everything which was indeed rather chivalrous for a man who many a time has commented that women’s rights and equality would deem such a gesture obsolete.

Nonetheless, the car ride was very enjoyable as he had practically all my favorite artists on his iPod. On the way to the restaurant he mentioned that his original plan was to horrify me with a ridiculously traumatizing blog worthy experience but then, out of the goodness of his heart, decided against it.

In the back of my head I kind of wished he did because, truthfully, I had been running low on posts lately. And because come on, that would be pretty hilarious considering I had been debating doing the same thing to him. You know, showing up in sweatpants and my hair in a messy bun. Something like that.

Oh Fame Whore didn’t anybody ever tell you ? Be careful what you wish for because you just might get it.

This is what happens when you tempt the fates my friend…

As we neared the restaurant, he began circling for parking…and circling…

Still circling…

After about a good 30 minutes, there was still not a spot in sight.

And thus began, what I like to call, “Be careful what you wish for” phenomenon. Also known as Murphy’s Law.

It started with not finding a parking spot. With a grunt of frustration, The Fame Whore began frantically dialing the numbers of any and every restaurant that came to mind.

Booked.

Every. Last. One.

At this point I am laughing hysterically because he pretty much asked for this to happen. I kind of felt bad though because he was getting adorably flustered and nervous because there were literally no restaurants that would take us at 10 pm on a Saturday night.

I noticed that I was a lot more forgiving because we are friends. I’m sure if this was a blind date I would have already ripped the guy apart in this post by now.

I had nearly suggested that we order pizza to go and eat it in his car when remarkably he was able to get a reservation at a restaurant in Times Square.

Now, I know what you are all thinking….PARKING? In Times Square? On a Saturday night?

Good joke.

As we began circling I sent up a silent prayer that we would find a spot. However, the Fame Whore had had enough and decided to pull into a parking lot. As soon as we pulled in, the manager dude came out to our car and started waving his arms around signaling that the lot was in fact full.

Shocker. Of course it was!

At this point I expected the Fame Whore to throw up his hands in defeat. Clearly we were not going to be doing anything that night but wasting gas. Just as we backed out of the lot, we saw a huge SUV pull out of a spot right around the corner from the restaurant.

It seemed as though our luck was finally changing!

Dinner was great especially because we had a lot to laugh about considering it took almost 2 hours to get to this point of the date. During dinner I mentioned how I really hate Time Square because it’s always filled with annoying tourists.

Predictably, after dinner The Fame Whore suggests we take a stroll around my least favorite part of Manhattan. Just to torment me because.

On our walk we happened upon those people who dress up in costumes and expect people to give them money. As if this is some kind of service they are providing us with standing around looking ridiculous.

Suddenly, we are approached by an African American Batman. The Fame Whore turns to him while pointing to me and says “She wants to take a picture with you”

Probably one of the last things that I would want on the planet would be a picture with that guy.

The excited Batman launched into a very detailed description of the type of poses he can do in the picture starting with the following…

Batman: “OK so I’m going to lift her up in the air and then you (fame whore) cross your arms and make an angry face”

I’m thinking HELL NO is that guy:

a) Touching me

b) Lifting me up in the air

c) Having a blackmail picture of me

I quickly walked away giggling my head off and dragging the Fame Whore along before he took Batman up on his offer.

Then The Fame Whore spots my next tormentor- a man/woman (can never be too sure) dressed in a full Elmo costume. If there’s one thing I hate more than Time Square, its people dressed in full body costumes. It FREAKS me out and I literally crossed the street to avoid that creepy Elmo.

We continued on our journey and came upon some horse drawn carriages. Very romantically awkward if you are on a first date. But the Fame Whore’s sense of humor surprised me yet again as he shouted up to the driver…

Fame Whore: “Can she ride on the horse?”

Driver: “No… you can’t do that.”

Fame  Whore: “But she’s a famous jockey, you don’t recognize her?”

Me: “Yea I’m a pro rider. I’m kind of a big deal, can I just ride the horse?”

Driver: “No”

What a buzz kill.

Anyway, we started walking back to the car and The Fame Whore was determined to bribe Batman with money and have him carry me around for an hour.

Nothing would disturb me more.

On the scenic drive home we discussed the hilarity of the evening. While his intentions may or may not have been to have his 1300 words of fame, he succeeded in turning around what could have been a potentially disastrous evening. It was great to be able to laugh about it with him too (while simultaneously warning him to be careful what he wishes for in the future). I would never do that to a guy I just met because he would probably take it the wrong way. It really is interesting to see how forgiving I am when I want to be.

To sum:

I always say that the place/restaurant honestly doesn’t matter to me. I’m not impressed by fancy dinners or elaborate plans. I understand that a guy wants to plan a nice time to show you that he cares and I do appreciate it immensely. But, if you’re able to enjoy the company (Batman included), it really doesn’t matter where you are.

Now THAT’S impressive 😉

15 Responses to “The Fame Whore”

  1. Anne-Sophie December 11, 2011 at 10:58 am #

    Wow, he did a nice job turning that one around! Good thing he had a sense of humor too =]

  2. MyTwoCents December 11, 2011 at 1:08 pm #

    Excellent read, my friend!! Kudos to you, fame whore!!

  3. BougieHippie December 11, 2011 at 6:34 pm #

    Lmao! poor guy. At least he pulled it off.

  4. Brookeandmckenzie December 12, 2011 at 12:47 am #

    Very cute, sounds like a fun date indeed and although not a disaster date , sounds like he’s got a good sense of humour!

  5. yedid Nefesh December 12, 2011 at 7:44 pm #

    Your writings are so entertaining! love it and the light you put on the whole story!

  6. leashieloo December 14, 2011 at 10:17 am #

    Your life should be a sitcom, seriously. That was almost too perfect.

  7. eyekanspel December 19, 2011 at 12:26 pm #

    Did Elmo try to tickle you?

    • umcheckplease December 21, 2011 at 4:34 pm #

      Thousands of dollars worth of therapy couldn’t undo that sort of psychological damage

  8. thoughtsappear December 19, 2011 at 6:07 pm #

    Thank god he didn’t honk. Honking ensures that I won’t be exiting the house.

    Glad you had a good time!

  9. eNAMuel December 21, 2011 at 3:11 pm #

    thanks for the support fellow readers, we all know how cruel Miss Checkplease can be at times (lucky this was kinda not one of them)…
    i didn’t know i could be so funny at times!

    – eNAMuel aka The Fame Whore

    • umcheckplease December 21, 2011 at 4:33 pm #

      You gotta be cruel to be kind … or so the song says

  10. Shades of Grey January 3, 2012 at 9:42 pm #

    This doesn’t sound TOO bad. If anything, his persistence in looking for parking with good cheer should be a plus. On my first date with ASoG, we spent 30 minutes looking for a Starbucks with free seating, out in the cold, with SNOW falling, after my usual 3-4 stores were packed… I kept my cool (figuratively and literally) and we ended up having a great date by a Starbucks that happened to be close to where she needed to catch her bus back home.

Trackbacks/Pingbacks

  1. Experiments « Um…check, please!!!! - December 27, 2011

    […] my “disaster date” with The Fame Whore, we began a very frank discussion of 21st century women, a favorite […]

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