Miss me?

9 Mar

I know most of you were concerned by my absence over the past few months… The endless marquee of possibilities scrolling through your heads…

Where can she be?

What has become of little Miss Checkplease?

Many of you may have thought I had gotten swept up in a whirlwind beautiful relationship and was headed down the road to wedded bliss…

That perhaps I managed to find love in such a hopeless place…

So did I.

Guess what?

So did I.

Alas, ladies and gents, the moment you let your guard down is the moment you are asking, nay, begging for your heart to get stomped on. It’s a conundrum really, how else can you expect to really get close to a person and yet still protect yourself in the (in my case, inevitable) event that it all comes crashing down around you? Such a catch-22.

One minute you’re on cloud nine and the next thing you know, you’re entire life has been altered for the worse. Like the old table cloth trick, my world has been ripped out from right under me. Sure, many can say that I’ve been through heartache before. I’ve had a difficult life, I’m a strong girl who can handle anything. Blah blah blah.

But I am sick of it.

SICK of having people tell me that I should chin up and be strong and carry on. I’m sick of being strong. I don’t want to have to be strong anymore! It’s EXHAUSTING. And I’m tired. Sick and tired of it all.

I think I may have mentioned this is an older post but it bears repeating. What do women want? They want a man who will fight to the death to be with her.

When you’ve kissed enough frogs to have finally found your prince, he better damn well be ready and willing to fight the dragon or whatever else that stands in the way of your happiness.

Because in all honesty the only thing I want is just to be happy. I think I’ve dealt with enough crap in my life to deserve to catch a flippin’ break, a tiny shred of happiness! WHY is that such a freaken impossible feat? Is that such an outrageous request?

Yes, yes it is.

It’s times like now where I’m grateful I have this here blog to vent my frustrations out into the blogosphere. Regardless of whether or not anybody even reads it, or remembers who I am at this point since I’ve been MIA since December. I’m a billion percent sure that no one can relate to what I am going through. And I hope no one ever will. I just have to vent.

According to a self help book which I can’t recall the name of at the moment, when you are feeling down you should make a list of things you are grateful for. So here it goes:

1) My mother who is the strongest person I know (guess I had to learn it from somewhere).

2) My posse/b*tch clique and their boundless love and support in the form of chocolates, cupcakes, oily fast food and betch sesshes.

3) My guy friends with their crazy antics and big masculine hugs. They don’t ask questions which is sometimes really nice considering the last thing on this planet that I would want to do is to relive this. Ever.

4) My health- I feel like thats a biggie these days. I did lose 6 pounds over this (not a diet I would recommend).

5) School. Yea, I can’t believe that even made it on the list. Without it, I would have way too much time to think and dwell and replay and reminisce and all those things you really shouldn’t do post-break.

So, what now?

Well, when life throws you lemons…make lemonade.

When life throws you a steaming pile of crap… politely decline.

It’s clear that the big guy upstairs has bigger plans for me. My purpose is on this here earth extends beyond my small hometown. Therefore, I’m taking the high road and high tailing it out of here as soon as humanly possible.

As I was mentally moving as far away from this place as possible, and in the midst of singlehandedly funding the Puffs tissue business, the big guy upstairs decided to infuse some much needed comic relief into my life in the form of irony.

While scrolling through the channels on my TV in an attempt to numb as much of my brain as possible, my mother commented on a sports game that was on. (Sidebar: One of my old boyfriends from 3 years ago used to play for his college team.) My mother remarked on how its such a dangerous sport and blah blah. Meanwhile the whole time I was nodding because I remember having to cover my eyes when I would go to his games and watch him play. Very violent stuff.

Anyway, as if on cue, he calls me.

Dumbfounded look on my face

I kid you not.


Anyway the short and short of it was he was in the area and stopped by to drop something off to give to a local charity. Yep, there he was, standing in my living room.

The moment he left the house, my mother and I turn to each other and burst out hysterically laughing for the first time in 10 days.

WHAT are the odds? It still isn’t registering. I just don’t get it. I really don’t. I guess it’s time for all my exes to start crawling out of the woodwork.

As I write this I’m shaking my head and rolling my eyes in disbelief. I honestly don’t even know why I am surprised because, being who I am, I should be used to weird/strange/ironic things happening to me. It should be mundane to me. However, after spending the past few months in an alternate universe of rainbows and puppy dogs, I guess the time has come for me to come back to reality.

A reality where a girl who is named for luck, is unlucky.

A reality where I have to return back to the unforgiving, bottom of the barrel, hilarity ensuing, tedious task of searching for my kindred/soulmate and inevitably entertaining you dear readers along the way.

Wish me luck … I clearly need it more than you think.

To sum:
To quote Kelly Clarkson (been listening to her on repeat) aka my mew mantra…

“What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, stand a little taller doesn’t mean I’m lonely when I’m alone!!!”

6 Responses to “Miss me?”

  1. nelle March 9, 2012 at 12:00 pm #

    I won’t run the risk of your ire by offering up advice, but I’ll offer a gentle *hug*.

  2. thoughtsappear March 9, 2012 at 1:53 pm #

    Your luck will return! I’m glad you’re back!

  3. riatarded March 9, 2012 at 6:23 pm #

    Feel better soon love xoxo 😦

  4. ZP March 11, 2012 at 3:25 pm #

    Breaking up sucks. There is no other way to describe it. We have all had our hearts broken and it just hurts. a lot. That is the risk of love. You open up but there is a chance to get hurt. My mom always says, “The pain right now does not take away from the good moments.” There were some good times. There were times when you were filled with an unexplainable happiness. There were times when you were floating. Yes, it hurts now, but would you erase the good, in order to forget the bad?

    I’ve written a lot about break ups, if you are interested, check out these posts: http://princessofhashem.blogspot.com/p/posts-about-breaking-up.html . If you only have a few min, these two are my favorites: http://princessofhashem.blogspot.com/2012/02/goodbye-my-job-here-is-done.html and http://princessofhashem.blogspot.com/2012/03/goodbye-again.html

  5. umcheckplease March 11, 2012 at 3:59 pm #

    Thanks for all the love and support 🙂

  6. Brent Baker (@bsbaker85) March 12, 2012 at 6:09 pm #

    I’m glad you are back, I’ve missed your stories of the ridiculousness things guys have done while trying to date you. I feel kinda bad that I enjoy those stories so much, because you clearly deserve a great guy. I wont say some cliched line about how if you stop looking you’ll find someone, or how there are lots of fish in the sea, because I know from first hand experience how little hearing those cliches helps. Laughter really is the best medicine.

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